“Dad Doesn’t Want to Use a Walker” Caregivers Help Their Elder Parents Adjust
(By Carol O’Dell, author of “Mothering Mother”)
My mom called it pride—why she didn’t want to use a cane or a walker. I called it stubbornness. We were locked in a battle of the wills. No matter how I coerced, encouraged or bribed, my mom had zero plans to ever use a walking “aide” other than me. I called myself her human walker. As her only daughter and full-time caregiver, http://caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp I finally had to say no. My back started hurting due to all the caregiving duties I was performing—lifting, getting her in and out of cars, baths, and picking her up after falls. Caregivers suffer from back pain caregiver-injuries and I finally realized that if I didn’t start saying “no” and insisting she use a walking aide that I wouldn’t be able to physically care for her for very long.
My mom had Parkinson’s, which made her dizzy, and Alzheimer’s. I called her my Weeble (Remember that commercial, Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down). She fell but she never broke a bone—amazing.
It took me standing my ground. She really wanted to use me instead of a walker.
I started negotiations: I promised her that we wouldn’t use the walker at church or around her friends (that was what she was most worried about). I encouraged her come with me to the home health supply store (insert proper Living Free link here) to pick it out. I told her we could paint it or decorate it. I used humor, sweetness, playfulness, but I was determined—for the both of us). I promised I’d take her out to eat afterward—she chose Krystal’s for their steamy hamburgers and senior special). I would have promised her a visit from Santa or the tooth fairy if it would have helped!
Finally, she agreed. I tried to be as kind and thoughtful as I could be. My mom was an elegant woman, a minister, and a respected member of her community. I assured her that she was still all those things and that it’s okay to get a little help once in awhile.
If you’re going through the same thing with your spouse or elder parent, remember to be patient—and persistent. A walker or cane is a healthier solution for you—and a safe solution for them. Take the time to find out why they’re saying “no.” Listen with your heart and your head. (But stick to your guns—with kindness, humor and big dose of tenacity).
