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Make a list of what you like best about your family and the holidays:

While you’re taking that airplane ride or that long car drive, make a list of why your family is pretty darn great. Can’t think of any? Sure you can! Even the crazy-funny ones count! Remember Chevy Chase’s Christmas with the aunt who wrapped up the cat as a Christmas present? I bet you’ve got a few wild stories as well. As you’re driving home, recall some of those times. some families are loud, brave, funny, affectionate, and generous. Every family has redeemable qualities, even if you have to stretch a bit to find them.

What family traditions do you still carry on today?
Do you open presents Christmas morning—or the night before?
Do you have a giant brunch with family and friends or do you serve crown rib-roast just like your mom used to?
Do you always listen to Nat King Cole’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” just like your dad always played on the record player?

Much of what we do around the holidays comes from our families. Our heritage becomes important as we have children and pass on who we are through songs, recipes, stories, and memories.

Remember to thank you parents for the traditions you continue today.

Choose to Lay Down the Grudge:
I was recently reminded of something I said 25 years ago by an extended family member. I was in my early 20s and I’m sure I was a blooming idiot! I couldn’t believe she even remembered the incident. At that moment I chose to forgive her—and me. I decided I needed to erase my “hard-drive” and start letting a few people off the hook. Be the one this holiday to let go of old grudges. We were all once young hot-heads—let’s not be middle-aged hot-heads! It’s time we passed a heaping bowl of grace around the table this holiday season.

Decide to Be Present With Your Parents and Family This Year:
As you sit in our parent’s living room, or they’re in yours, stop thinking about work, about what the future may hold, about your paltry IRA. None of us have a guarantee we’ll be here this time next year. Drink your eggnog, hum along to a Christmas tune and really look into your parent’s faces. Love them as they are. Imperfect, yes. Yours, all the way. The holidays give us a chance to be together—but we have to decide to be present in mind, body and spirit.

Separate Your Caregiving Role from Your Family Identity:
If you’re already dealing with medications, doctor appointments, home health aides and all that comes with caregiving, it’s easy to hide behind that role and forget to be a son or daughter, spouse or friend. Caregiving (www.caring.com) is doing. Family member is being. During the holidays, take moment to let down your guard, forget your to-do list and take your mom or dad’s hand and remember who you are.